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How To Actually Make New Female Friends In Your 20s

It can be daunting to think about going to a happy hour when you're trying to feed yourself in a way that doesn't involve take-out for the fifth night in a row. Chances are the other girls attending the networking event or meeting you for happy hour this evening are also gladly accepting new applications for friends, and they might be as lonely as you are.

So keep these things in mind… A Make sure the general theme of the event is one that you are actually interested in. Because at the end of the day, the only person you can really count on is yourself. When you're young, your friends are largely determined by your school, neighborhood, camp, and extracurricular activities.

How To Actually Make New Female Friends In Your 20s - It is hard to make friends in your 20s because we no longer have college or a part time job to ground us in the sobering fact that there is a life outside ourselves.

I know, I know. As a grown adult, this sounds crazy considering we have been taught how to socialize and make friends literally since kindergarten. We were all forced in a room and told to choose a desk and say hello to whoever was sitting next to us. From there, we were told to invite friends over for snacks and playtime and sleepovers. But while Hollywood likes to highlight these idyllic friendships over and over again with montages of cheesy music — in real life — this is actually pretty rare. And even if we did, life still has a way of pulling people apart. I got four years with my high school friends while they had all been friends since the second grade. And while I had a blast in high school and definitely enjoyed myself — I could never compete. In fact, this has been the theme of my life. I have to admit, it still stings every time I see my old crews multiple on Facebook still attached at the hip a decade-plus later. While I was off trying to create a new group of friends to hang out with somewhere else, they were continuing to nurture their longstanding bond. And thus, the pattern continued. In hindsight, I think I got so used to packing up after four years or so that I got restless after being somewhere for too long. Let me tell you — these moves are not conducive to consistent relationships. Distance can be a slow poison for friendships. Over time, if not kept in check, it will erode the bond away until hardly anything is left. Which leaves us here. Stuck, isolated, and lonely, wondering how the hell we ended up at age 26 without a group of friends. I get emails almost every day about this. This has been a huge struggle for me and still is. But you know what? Someone has to talk about it. KEEP UP WITH A FEW OLD FRIENDS I know, this seems counterintuitive. The whole point of this blog is to make NEW friends, not keep up with OLD friends. Thanks for nothing, Kali. Yes, yes I knowwwww. But hear me out. Keeping a few solid connections with older friends is going to give you more confidence to reach out to new friends. You need these happy memories and words of affirmation to keep you afloat. Old friends can provide that. I firmly believe in the importance of having that one anchored friend who is your ride or die. But as you know, mine happens to live in San Antonio, about 2,000 miles away from me. So I have no choice but to find new friends if I want weekend plans from time to time. But Caroline has been a crazy strong source of confidence so I can reach out and attract great local friends. The focus here is to emphasize to yourself that you have a lot to offer to other people. You are worthy of making new friends. But hang onto one or two of them to keep your friendship confidence at a healthy level. ASK OTHERS FOR HELP Personally, I have found this to be one of the best ways to create new female friendships. Instead of doing my own awkward, icky, vulnerable, uncomfortable dirty work — I pass it off to others. The epitome of laziness and efficiency! If you do not ask people to help set you up with other awesome women, it makes it a hell of a lot harder to find them. And what better way than to ask people you already trust? When I moved to Los Angeles, I seriously almost only knew guys. Story of my life. So there I was, brand new to one of the largest cities in the world, and found myself in the comfort of boys, boys, boys. I met my bff Ali Yes, Ali and Kali — meanttobe because she dates and is now engaged to a mutual friend from college, who also happens to be kewl. He met her, decided she was too kewl for him, and gave her to me. I met my friends Teal + Blaine because my soon to be cousin knew Blaine in Texas and decided we should be bffs. Sense a pattern here? Instead they were all curated for me because I got over my pride and asked people for friends. These girls are gems. And I know that not only because I have excellent taste lol but because they were already vetted by people I trust. The best luck you are going to have making friendships as an adult is through MUTUAL FRIENDS. They went to the same school. They worked at the same place. They were in the same club. They lived in the same neighborhood. In fact, sometimes this might feel like a huge stretch. For example, before I had even moved to Los Angeles, Andrew very strongly encouraged me to reach out to literally ANYBODY I semi-knew who was currently living there. I found that proposition to be very uncomfortable, but decided he was right so I did it anyway. Not going to lie, the response rate was not stellar. Still waiting on a few to get back to me three years later, actually. Because one girl did respond. And not only did she respond, but she met us for dinner that very weekend AND we are still close friends to this day. She was a year younger than me in our sorority and we probably only exchanged a few words to each other every semester while we were both in school! But we had that establishment in common, which meant we had people in common and a culture in common. But we definitely needed it in the beginning to strengthen our friendship sea legs. So whenever you can, think about the loose connections you may have running around the town. So keep these things in mind… A Make sure the general theme of the event is one that you are actually interested in. Watching the game outside of your apartment and with a bunch of other Cowboys fans will inevitably lead to a few fun conversations, and maybe even a lasting friendship. Focus on the theme of the event and you will most likely have a higher success rate. B Bring a friend if you can. Showing up alone can be so intimidating and it might suck the fun out of it. But if you are freaked out by the idea of showing up by yourself, make someone go with you so you can at least have a home base while you try to mingle with potential new besties. If you meet someone cool at the event, exchange numbers right then and there. You may feel desperate or clingy, but a momentary feeling of desperation is better than a month of loneliness! Suck it up and close the deal! And last but not least, please remember you are not in this alone. Chances are the other girls attending the networking event or meeting you for happy hour this evening are also gladly accepting new applications for friends, and they might be as lonely as you are. So remind yourself again that you have plenty to offer, and go have some fun. Kali Rogers is the author of Conquering Your Quarter-Life Crisis, available. In this detailed, type-based survival guide, seasoned MBTI author and shameless ENFP Heidi Priebe explains how to manage the ups, downs and inside-outs of everyday life as one of the most passionate yet self-contradictory types. I feel like I need to reread it a time or three just to absorb all the information the author gives.